I'm a Racist

Originally I wrote this post on February 13, 2020. I was ashamed so I didn’t post it, and then George Floyd was murdered and it felt inappropriate. But it is also VERY important to acknowledge our darkness and our light, so I’ve decided to publish it now.

_______________________________________________________

Today I said something very racist to a group of women I didn’t know at all. And I’m utterly mortified that not only I thought this, but that I allowed it to come out of my mouth. It was entirely inappropriate and repulsive, and I’m ashamed and very sad that I said it.

Some of the adults who surrounded me in my youth said racist things as if they were jokes or facts. And unfortunately, some of that rhetoric stuck despite my active work towards being an ally for people of color.

The shame that I feel based on this terrible thing that I said feels thick and sticky, like I’m coated in poisonous honey. I really don’t know what came over me, but I’m really disappointed in myself and I know that I’ll continue to work towards being a better ally, and releasing the indoctrinated and subconscious biases taught to me by fearful and sad, hurt people.

I reached out to each of the women that I spoke to and individually apologized for my despicable comment, and ask that they allow me to do better in their presence. Because words matter. And today, I chose the wrong ones. Cheers to choosing the right words in 2020.