However uncomfortable it may be 🐍

Hello, my friend! Coming at you a little later this week because honestly, I forgot.  My attention was elsewhere this week and the sudden realization that I “failed” to send an email on my self-imposed weekly schedule would usually have me in a tizzy.  This time, it was different - I realized, accepted, and then I acted.

This doesn't look the way I am used to, but today I'm allowing myself to be where I am and continue along the path.  I'm also making some hard realizations that when I give myself the space to play and create in new ways, some of my habits and behaviors will also be affected in a new way.  And that shit is scary, because it is unfamiliar.

When the comforts of our old patterns no longer suit us, what do we do?  We have to shed those structures to stand in our new skin.  The snake sheds for a reason - it has grown, and so have we.  There's a full moon in Virgo this weekend (Saturday, 2.27) and that's an excellent opportunity to release whatever might not be serving you.

What are you shedding? Reply and let me know ✨

Stand in your magic,
Emily

Strap yourself in 🎢

Hello, my friend! How are you doing during the longest short month of the year? Is the roller coaster real for you too?

The month is only halfway through and already it has felt like I've had so many varying experiences, moods, and emotions coursing through the days, it's like my favorite roller coaster is on repeat. Some days and moments are great and exciting and expanding, and then boom! The inevitable contraction hits and the bottom feels like it dropped out, but before you know it something else amazing happens and you're back at the top of the loop. The cycle can be exhausting.

The thing is, the cycle is life! We have really amazing and uplifting and big growth moments, and then we experience the other side of that (personally, I love to crawl to the back of my emotional cave). But understanding that the roller coaster is life, we can use our own magic to strap ourselves in. No matter how tall the hill is, or how big of a drop we have ahead of us, we can use our magic to enjoy the ride.

What about your magic makes you feel strapped in? Reply and let me know ✨

Ride that magic,
Emily

It is a New Moon, after all 🌚

Hello, my friend and happy new moon in Aquarius! Astrology isn't my strong suit, but with so many planets stacked in one spot, you KNOW that something's going down. Aquarius is a time for innovation, and invocation.  For inviting your magic to the party!

It can be scary to explore something new, but when we approach it from belief in our magic and welcoming our power, the process is unlike anything we could have imagined (and we haven't even talked about the results! It's all about the journey tho). Our imaginations are infinite, and yet the universe has an even wider view. When we invite our magic to dance with us in the spotlight, the possibilities truly are endless.

This isn't to say inviting your magic to play in the sun is easy, but practicing being in the wholeness of self, allowing the light and shadow to coexist, the universe invites us to a new level.

What are you inviting? Reply and let me know ✨

Invite that magic,
Emily

Especially the magic of the marginalized 👸🏿

Happy Black History Month, my friend! I have been struggling with the writing of this email - it feels important, but also like it is not my place.  We are all welcome to highlight the celebration of the impact that Black folks have on the world, and it is also something that must be honored 365 days a year. 

As someone who has an immense amount of privilege, I've often said that I want to use that privilege to help. This could look like many different things from making donations, to amplifying the voices of creatives of color, to holding the space for marginalized communities to safely express the fullness of their complexity and beauty.  Ultimately, the best way to help is to support these communities in the way that they request.

Striving to support in the way that will best serve the community is a lesson that a very wise friend taught me - and only those with deep roots in those communities can determine what that means. Honoring the magic of those roots is my goal every day..

What are you honoring? Reply and let me know ✨

Honor that magic,
Emily

Even when it's scary AF 😳

It's been a fun beginning to the week, my friend - earlier this year I became my own PR client and found myself arranging to be included in a New York Post feature!

It was so exciting to be on the other side of the equation, but I was also terrified!  This was a totally different perspective on the work I've been doing for almost a decade and a half.  I had no idea what the piece would be like, who else was included, or how I would come across.  And that lack of control wasn't fun for someone with a Virgo moon 🌝

I find communication easy and enjoyable, a vital aspect to everything I do in life, and I was really scared to express this new reality.  Recovering Broadway publicist turned tarot reader is something I've been calling myself for a few months now (I also know how to write a line that the Post editors would love, see above), but it was daunting to think that I'd be surrendering how my story would be told to my loved ones, network, and all the strangers reading the Post.

Of course once the piece was published I saw that it was a fabulous feature, and there was nothing to be worried about.  As a matter of fact, it was a celebration!  The surrender was not easy, but it was definitely worth it.

Where in your life can you surrender? Reply and let me know ✨

Surrender to your magic,
Emily

Even when it's invisible 👁

When you close your eyes, my friend, what do you see? I see the dark of my eyelids, but inevitably some sort of imagery appears in front of me. Sometimes it is a scene, sometimes an image of an item or living being, and sometimes I can't tell whak it is but I know it is something.

We have been facing some dark, dark times and we'll be dealing with the compounding trauma of this moment in history for the foreseeable future. There's so much that we can't see, but when we really start to look, we witness how much is there whether we can see it or not. 

We can see a path forward that will move us towards healing and making reparations. We can see a path that leads us deeper into the darkness. We can see a infinite number of paths that lead us everywhere in between and beyond. Whether we believe in it, can see it, or not, the magic is there.

What do you see? Reply and let me know ✨

See your magic,
Emily

When it is most challenging ☄️

Hello, my friend! How are you holding up in 2021? What a start to the year. Between the events last week, and some major planetary moves, there's still a lot to process and manage as we move into this new year.

To be totally candid, I'm a bit lost for words (shocking, I know). Times like this are when it is most difficult to have the faith and belief in the magic and its power in the world. And it is when it is most important to trust that it is there, and we have more support than we could ever fathom.

I have been listening to Signs, The Secret Language of the Universe by Laura Lynne Jackson and it's one of the things that has had me in tears for a week. The concept that we are all part of something greater, and that everything is connected has been a belief of mine for some time, and after listening to the stories of people from all walks of life, that truth has deepened.

In a year with so much trauma, we may struggle with the WHY. Why are so many devastating things happening in the world? I don't have the answer, but am working on the trust in my Highest Power, spirit guides, and loved ones who have crossed. They can see so much more than this physical experience ever will.

What are you working on trusting? Reply and let me know ✨

Trust your magic,
Emily

Welcome to 2021 🦋

Here we are, my friend - it is 2021! We have made it through the Tower card of a year that was an invitation to clarity, and we've come out the other side to explore the results, begin to clear away the debris, and rebuild.  We are the butterflies emerging from the cocoon of 2020.

For most of us, our lives don't look anything like they did at this time last year.  And yet, for many of us they have become more truthful, more deeply ours.  Created from the authentic self, rather than the programmed self.  

I know that there is so much that I don't know, but as I start to spread my butterfly wings and give them a chance to harden in the light of a new dawn, I know that there are skies upon skies waiting to be explored.

What are you excited about exploring? Reply and let me know! ✨

Explore your magic,
Emily

How will you bring magic into 2021? 🪄

Welcome to the end of 2020, my friend - we made it! This year brought so many of us to the brink, and called so many souls to the next phase of their being.  It taught us to examine what we truly find precious and what really matters to each of us. 

This year offered an abundance of lessons, but one that resonates most deeply is that rest is as vital as movement.  We need both, and the rest can be revolutionary.  I'm bringing that with me into the New Year and inviting all of this year's lessons to join me.  There will be PLENTY that gets left behind, too!  

Last night's full cold moon in Cancer gave me an opportunity to release the numbing that I've come to reply upon.  It is what has allowed me to get to this point, but it no longer serves me.  I thanked and released it.

What lessons of 2020 will you be bringing with you into 2021? What are you leaving. behind? Reply and let me know! ✨

Make your magic,
Emily

The days are getting longer 🌥

We have made it through the dark, my friend! The days are getting longer, slowly we will have more light each day, and perhaps the weighty feeling of the season will soften. I am grateful for the that we'll soon see some light after 4pm!

I don't know bout you, but the light and the weather deeply affect my mood, my ability to work through challenging tasks, and the motivation to do anything at all. Manufacturing motivation is somewhere I struggle. Without foundational passion and joy, I won't do it. It's not that I don't want to, it's that I am incapable of bringing myself to do something that I do not want to do.

Combating that feeling was draining my energy, so I stopped. I now do the things that bring me the greatest joy, and if it doesn't, someone else will have to do it. What's your way of navigating those motivational blocks? Or do you also allow yourself to do only that with lights you up? Reply and let me know! ✨

Tossing you some magic to light,
Emily

All my single ladies? All my single ladies! I love my independence, but I am very much ready to no longer be single and to find my partner. Over the last six years in therapy, and especially over the last several months of the giant pause in 2020, I have done the work that I need to to be ready to be in a healthy relationship that honors both myself and my partner, as well as the two of us together.

As someone who hates dating, I knew that if I really wanted to find him, I had to find a way to make it fun. Enter casting my partner! I’m no casting director (my VERY brief stint working in casting confirmed that was not my path), but I have recently been treating dating as though it is an audition process and I’m sitting behind the table hoping each gent is the one that’s right for the role.

My Bumble process looks a lot like my first year in New York - step one is to “type” the gents out. That’s the swiping we’ve all come to know and love/loathe. This feels like that first dance call or vocal audition or monologue where you give them an across the floor, 16 bars, or 60 seconds and they make a cut. After we’ve matched and I’m required to message first, I wave and we head to the first callback - chatting in the app.

This first chatting is crucial because it is that first callback when you’re given a piece from the show to bring back into the room and see how quickly you pick up material and whether or not you are a fit for the vision. If the in-app messaging goes well, I’ll offer up my number to text me and make time to do a video chat. This is the second callback - time to go home and work on the song and sides and come back next week for another round. The video chat gives me a chance to see how we vibe, and whether or not I’d like to meet someone in person for a coffee or drink.

So far, I’ve had one in-person date, which was enjoyable and likely will lead to another. In the meantime, the videos are happening when I can and I’m hoping each gent that makes it that far will be the one to get to the next round of callbacks. Eventually, the role will be cast and the scenework begins ✨

Originally I wrote this post on February 13, 2020. I was ashamed so I didn’t post it, and then George Floyd was murdered and it felt inappropriate. But it is also VERY important to acknowledge our darkness and our light, so I’ve decided to publish it now.

_______________________________________________________

Today I said something very racist to a group of women I didn’t know at all. And I’m utterly mortified that not only I thought this, but that I allowed it to come out of my mouth. It was entirely inappropriate and repulsive, and I’m ashamed and very sad that I said it.

Some of the adults who surrounded me in my youth said racist things as if they were jokes or facts. And unfortunately, some of that rhetoric stuck despite my active work towards being an ally for people of color.

The shame that I feel based on this terrible thing that I said feels thick and sticky, like I’m coated in poisonous honey. I really don’t know what came over me, but I’m really disappointed in myself and I know that I’ll continue to work towards being a better ally, and releasing the indoctrinated and subconscious biases taught to me by fearful and sad, hurt people.

I reached out to each of the women that I spoke to and individually apologized for my despicable comment, and ask that they allow me to do better in their presence. Because words matter. And today, I chose the wrong ones. Cheers to choosing the right words in 2020.

Growing up in dancing school, any time we needed to quickly and easily change directions during our routines, you bet a “pivot, step” was thrown into that choreography to help a bunch of rambunctious, privileged white kids get to wherever their teacher told them to go for the next formation.  It’s something that I’ll do to this day when I’m walking down the street and need to turn around, complete with hearing the words in my head.  “Pivot, step.”  And it feels like nowadays nothing and everything has changed – that teacher is now the universe, and the kids are humanity…

At the top of the year, I wrote about my 2020 vision for this magazine – no-thingness.  The idea was to replace the numbing that I felt I needed to survive the ever-demanding energy of New York with a quiet, empty space that allows for endless capacity to create.  Little did I know that Ms. Rona was sitting straight ahead waiting for so many of us to take a collective breath.  (Pivot.)  Breathe we did!  We suddenly had space, time no longer existed, and the senseless distractions of our invented ‘busy’ lives vanished.  (Step.)  And then another man couldn’t breathe, and the world changed yet again.  (Pivot.)

With the state of universal affairs, it is safe to say that transformation is the only way forward.  (Step.)  What has worked for very few for a long time is being questioned and challenged, and rightfully so.  As a white lady who has prided herself on the representation across many facets of her life, it saddens me that it took the murder of George Floyd for me to stand up and take REAL action.  (Pivot.)  After initially lashing out at people in my community, the theatre industry, a wise friend told me that I picked up a sledgehammer for a scalpel job.  In that instant, I recognized that my tactics needed to be fine-tuned.  (Pivot again.)  No one likes to hear that they’re racist.  (Step.)

Quickly more and more stories began popping up from our sisters and brothers of color about their experiences of racism in the workplace.  Posts and reposts, a new chorus of voices were speaking out, but the theatre media was not reporting on them.  As a recovering Broadway publicist, I’ve long seen people I love treated poorly by our industry.  Be it racism, sexism (or insert the -ism that suits), incredibly talented artists and managers have been burned by those with so much privilege they can’t begin to see it.  And I finally had enough, so I did something about it.  (Pivot.)

The a-ha moment came when seeing a friend of a friend offering up pro bono services for anyone who was doing work that supported the Black Lives Matter movement.  Immediately I knew that if artists had access to a template and sample press release to write about their project themselves, I could easily help them with formatting while keeping their voice intact.  Then, it was simply a mail merge away to share it with my pretty large list of theatre, arts, and entertainment journalists and make direct introductions for anyone who was interested in covering the story.  A straightforward way to amplify unheard voices, which I’ve come to learn, is my calling.  (Step.) 

We’ve seen the latest, Broadway is now refunding tickets through the top of 2021.  Personally, I don’t think any of us will be sitting in a Broadway theatre before the fall of 2021 (please, Universe, let me be wrong about that!).  With the future of my beloved industry completely unknown, it is impossible to plan for anything.  Except how to make a difference.  (Pivot.)

When you discover your purpose, it feels like the most obvious thing in the world.  (Step.)  And you likely spent so much time not knowing!  I always thought that I’d be working in the theatre industry for the rest of my life, and maybe I will.  But once the realization hit that amplifying others’ voices is why I am on the planet at this moment, the last several months of quarantine, 6 years of therapy and spiritual exploration, nearly a decade and a half in the New York theatre community, and 35 years of my life finally made sense.  (Pivot, step.) 

To think that it took yet another black man being murdered for me to understand that is heartbreaking. But not as heartbreaking as growing up without your dad because he was murdered for the color of his skin.

This piece originally appeared on W42ST.com.

When is the last time that a surprise showed up in your life that brought you big delight? Keep in mind, this was initially written at the end of February, so times were very different. However, the sentiment still rings true.

Whether it was (pre-Rona) running into someone you love and haven’t seen in ages, a kind gesture from a stranger, a tiny plant, seeing the sunshine and a blue sky, or finding forgotten cash in a pocket, little things can make a big difference in our lives. Now more than ever. And that’s exactly what happened when I received my first tarot deck!

We’ve established my witchy woowoo tendencies, so it should not be a surprise that tarot is in my life. My therapist introduced me to the Osho Zen Tarot deck a few years ago, and when I was looking to add a ritual practice to my life, she suggested I pull a card daily. So, being the leading edge millennial that I am, I downloaded the app and set up a reminder. Every morning I open the app to pull a card and then read about what it means. Sometimes I don’t agree with the given meaning, but find my own understanding of the message that the universe is offering me.

Imagine my big delight, when upon signing up for a breathwork/mind mastery program, our fierce-ass leader (better than fearless, why invite the f-word in?) sent tarot decks to each participant. And it was the Osho deck! One that I was already familiar with, and have been playing with digitally, has shown up physically in my life for some real work and understanding.

As I sat shuffling the cards, my excitement grew - it’s one thing to have a familiarity with a deck through an app on your phone, it is something totally different to hold the cards in your hands. To feel the weight of the paper stock, the glare from the lights, to thumb through the booklet that provides additional insight. The first spread I did for myself was one of my favorites, the Flying Bird. You start with a central card that is your ‘here and now’ and then you pull six more cards alternating between the left (feminine) and right (masculine) sides. And let me tell you that was a POWERFUL spread! I explored feeling stuck and saw the cards unfold in a way that made perfect sense for me.

Since that first spread for myself, I read for two friends in person, and then the world changed. I wasn’t comfortable with the idea of doing digital readings at first, but after a couple of kind test subjects, I’m really loving reading for someone else. Tarot is very personal, it is a meditation that I’m grateful to have the chance to cultivate and practice. After all, the whole point is the journey. Cheers to this journey in 2020!*

*In a pre-Rona world, this “cheers to [insert thing here] in 2020!” felt ok. I’m not sure it still does, but I decided to try running with it for the year. We’ll see how it goes…

With the madness happening in the world, now is the exact time to stop and smell the roses. But what happens when you physically can’t smell them? How do we find the tiny pleasures when our senses are not functioning? It’s something that I’ve been grappling with since my test results came back as positive.

Tiny pleasures can be so many different things - my personal favorites right now include how well my cat cuddles with me through the night, cooking nutritious and delicious (?!) meals that I can’t really taste because of the loss of the sense of smell, and my plants.

Last summer, I became a crazy plant lady. It’s been one of the biggest delights of my life for the past 9 or so months. What started with a cutting drunkenly ripped from the basement of Bond45, turned into a full-blown obsession. Between two big orders from The Sill to kick off my collection, to ordering semi-rare plants online, to making excuses for going to Home Depot just to browse the plant section, I have bought (and lost/killed) a LOT of plants.

The current count is around 30 - I can’t decide how many of the plants I’m propagating count, right now it is only if they have roots - and I recently asked my dad to take cuttings from my childhood home and send them my way so that I can propagate more. But it brings me so much joy! I LOVE propagating. Seeing the roots grow in water, sometimes leaving the plants in water and other times trying to transfer them over to soil. I love the reminder that we’re all growing in ways that we might not be able to see, but are hopefully still growing.

What are you finding the tiny pleasures in these days? Cheerts to more tiny pleasures in 2020!

What’s positive? Is it good? Plus? Up? Affirmative? Constructive? Optimistic? Confirmed? All of these things and plenty more? This weekend I got the call that many folks will not get from their doctor because of the lack of tests - the results of my coronavirus swab. I was VERY fortunate to have been tested. And as expected, the results were positive.

I’m choosing to also be positive through this experience. We have no idea what lies ahead, but I know that with both my brother and his boyfriend diagnosed (and Rita Wilson and Tom Hanks, Idris Elba, Tormund Giantsbane, and Daniel Dae Kim), I’m not alone.

We’re all finding new ways to connect in this new reality. I love seeing people be creative and we’re quickly adapting to still connecting and communicating while we take a pause as we’re all being asked to do together, globally. I’m going to make my own work on myself more of a priority, allow myself the space I need away from my laptop and the world of the internet, and continue to connect with people I love one on one in a way that really suits my preferences. Some group zoom meetings tossed in there are a great addition, but ultimately I prefer to connect one on one.

I’m curious to explore how others are moving through this - choosing to stay positive isn’t an easy thing, but it does feel like the only way for me to navigate it and feel good about it. I’m certain there will be days for self-wallowing, but ultimately this change that we’re experiencing is going to help us all level up, collectively.

If you’re feeling affected by this and want to talk, I’m here. Just reach out. Cheers to staying positive in 2020 (despite how challenging it feels)!

Hey world, I’m typing this from my bedroom two days after I would have usually posted to the blog, but it’s been a weird ass week. From the initial reports that the coronavirus had arrived in New York, to a full-blown panic and the inability to get toilet paper or canned goods, things ramped up really quickly. What does this mean for the world?

To be honest, I have no idea. Until this morning, I’ve been saying that I’ll keep living my life until the government tells me to stop (I mean the local and state governments, I don’t have a lick of hope for the feds with the heat miser in office). BUT, as I’ve been examining my own heart and mind around what is happening in the world, I am starting to rethink my position.

We are all moving through uncertainty right now - from the unknown of what will happen to the global economy, to the fear that our loved ones may be infected - it is a very real and challenging experience to navigate. That said, there is opportunity for us all to lean on each other in these times, and to do so digitally.

This afternoon my business partner Jess and I had a video work session where we started exploring how we might move forward with a Salon dinner idea that has been brewing for quite some time. And guess what? We have a really cool digital concept that we’re going to explore and see if it catches on.

When the world as we know it is turned upside down, we find new opportunities through our creativity and humanity to move forward. So, what are you doing with your creativity and humanity? Cheers to more of both in 2020!

What’s the difference between self-care and escape? How do we determine when stepping away from our life is something that we need to do to protect our sanity, or if we’re running from something? I’d argue that it is both at the same time.

As I write this, I’m sitting on a train headed to visit my dear friends that live in Vermont. Whenever I visit them, I joke that it fees like walking into a Nancy Meyers movie. Their lifestyle is my inspiration and aspiration. And their kids are my two favorite tiny humans - I hope my kids are half as rad as these two.

And as I sit on the Amtrak Empire line with dappled afternoon sun dancing across my sight line, filled with excitement and gratitude that I have people in my life that welcome me into their home to experience that FEELING of home, I wanted to explore whether stepping away can also be running away.

It’s been an interesting time for me in the last year or so as I’ve fully embraced the self-employed lifestyle. Until a year ago, I intermittently had a second gig in the Disney on Broadway press office that allowed a sense of financial security that I took for granted. Now seeing what this lifestyle is really like, I’ve learned I spend too much. And yet, here I am on a train headed to a ski weekend in Vermont.

In this moment, I am both stepping into self-care (their home truly feels like nowhere else I’ve ever been and I cannot wait to create that sort of environment and experience for the people I love), and escaping from a trapped feeling of not having enough. From an objective perspective, the abundance is palpable (ski trip. Vermont. But also my own home and the gifts that the universe offer including a loving family, lots of houseplants, my weird and wonderful cat, supportive friends and community, and the list goes on), and yet all I can see is scarcity.

I’m hopeful that this weekend away will allow me to reframe my viewpoint and truly FEEL the abundance - and deep gratitude for it. I have to believe that the universe will take care of me, as it always does. That sounds like I’m asking myself to trust in the unseen - another way to say “Emily, have faith.” So, cheers to some faith in 2020!

Have you ever been drawn to someone or something or somewhere and not understand why? It happens a lot with me - I’ll have an immediate reaction to learning something new (people, places, things) and understand that I need to experience that in my life. One of these places is The National Museum of African American History and Culture in DC. Since the doors opened, I have wanted to visit.

I took a day trip to see some friends in Ain’t Too Proud at the Kennedy Center, and was so excited that I booked my matinee theatre ticket and train travel without checking the museum hours. Upon arrival in DC, I learned that the museum closed at 5pm - about the time the curtain came down on the show and I saw the people I came to town to see. The disappointment was big, and so I walked with that disappointment from the Kennedy Center to the Lincoln Memorial, then down the Mall to the Washington Monument and past the museum back to Union Station. It was a long walk (a little more than 3 1/2 miles), but I had time to kill and it felt like an appropriate ‘punishment’ for not thinking ahead.

Flash forward to the top of this year when my brother was in DC choreographing a production of Spring Awakening, and I joined him for his opening night. This was my chance! We coordinated so that I could get done the work I needed to, and have time for a quick visit to the museum. We only ended up with about 2 1/2 hours inside the space, and I had been told you can spend days and still not see everything. But I needed a taste, and that’s what we got.

The journey begins as you descend underground to explore the history of racism in America, beginning with transatlantic travel in 1400. And as history moves towards slavery and trauma, so we see the effects on our country, and brothers and sisters. That trauma is something that I felt on a pretty visceral level, and so it was with much gratitude that I spent some time in the reflecting pool to allow myself an energetic cleanse after merely skimming the surface of that portion of the museum.

We continued up to the top floor which houses the cultural impact of African Americans. This level focused on the arts - visual, musical, film, television, food, clothing, and the stage. And that’s where I found what I later realized was MY WORK.

In 2014 I was hired as a press assistant to work on the second Broadway revival of A Raisin in the Sun starring Denzel Washington, and directed by Kenny Leon. That production was a major growth experience for me, and one that I both struggled with and loved. It was a leveling up that I couldn’t see at the time. And I am so grateful for that experience because it brought me lifelong friendship, that incredible learning experience, and a tiny place in history.

No one thinks about whose job it is to build a Playbill. You go to a Broadway show and the usher hands you a booklet with the information about who’s involved, any musical numbers or scenes, the company’s bios, the staff listing, thank yous. Have you ever thought about who compiled that? It was the junior-most press agent on the team (this is because it is a rite of passage. There is no hell like a Playbill build hell).

Upon recounting our visit to the top level of the museum and explaining that my dear friend was represented in three different ways (!!!), including the Playbill of that production of Raisin, I had the PROFOUND realization that my work was included in that museum! (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) I built the Playbill, the guts of that booklet were created by me, and it has in turn, been honored with a place in The National Museum of African American History and Culture.

I’m still working on coming to terms with what this actually means to me, but I know that it holds very a special and deep meaning. The sense of pride, joy, and unmitigated gratitude is palpable, and something that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. What an accomplishment that I didn’t know was possible. Cheers to more profound realizations in 2020!

One of the things that I’ve been working on in my journey towards self awareness and growth is feeling my feelings. And we all know that it is a very healthy, normal thing to feel them. And it is also very common to not want to feel them, especially the bad stuff. But without the bad, we don’t know what the good feels like. So for the last couple of years thanks to lots of therapy, I’ve been exploring how to feel into my feelings (I’m STILL working on it. My therapist said to me yesterday that I so quickly pivot from the discomfort to the next emotion).

The biggest trouble for me with all of this is that my feelings are MASSIVE. I’m talking tsunami style - sometimes it feels like if I let the emotion happen to its fullest, I will drown. While intellectually I know this is not true, it feels incredibly real to me. My bestie recently took me to a breath workshop and when discussing our takeaways, she said that no matter how big or powerful something is, she knows that her power is bigger and it cannot break her. She’s a little further along in some of this than I am, but that’s the understanding that I’m working towards with my emotions.

The thing with emotions is that once you’ve really gone to the place that feels like you might die and you don’t, you realize that you’re capable of anything. And with that realization, you feel invincible for a split second. Sometimes I am afraid of my feelings, and the exploration of stepping towards them through spiritual and energetic work has helped allay that fear a bit. Allowing myself the space to express my emotions is making a world of difference, and I’m taking suggestions for how you manage feeling into yours. Cheers to staying alive and being fully emotive in 2020!